If two diary entries in a row were gay... Imagine three!
I just thought I was on a bit of a roll... Ha no, I actually just miss you so much, and I feel so connected to you when I reminisce...
Oh the other thing I liked is that you told your girls I was doing it, and they thought it was cute... I can't start slacking now can I?! Truth is, I've always wanted to do these romantic things for somebody - I knew I had it in me, but I suppressed it so much because the value of my relationship died early on. It’s a horrible feeling for someone like me to watch movies, listen to the music I listen to and not be able to relate to the things being expressed. To feel like ‘I want that shit...but I don’t want it with you’ is really strange. My gifts were thoughtless, predictable and all the emotion had been completely drowned. On the contrary, and you might cringe at this but it’s true... Before I packed the Disney box with all your stupid gifts, I sat downstairs with my Mum and showed her everything. She was legitimately in shock, for two reasons. Firstly that I wanted to share this moment with her, and secondly that the nature of the gifts were based around love - cute and playful, as opposed to trying to spend money to impress. She honestly nearly cried when I showed her the phone I got so you could keep in touch with your kids. She had never seen this side of me, so I think she was glad that it was in me somewhere, just waiting to be exposed by the right person. You truly make me a better person Chelsea, and you make me want to do good things, for you and everyone around me! You have made me so open and honest. I have nothing to hide, and no guilt. People can ask me a question and I just open up the book of Ross and flood them with whatever they want to know. I am just so proud to tell the world about you, it truly feels amazing. The only problem is that you are seriously destroying my street cred!
I always loved the concept of love – and I guess you were the same. That’s obviously why Chris said you didn’t love me, you loved the idea of me. In a way I think ‘So what? If I can adhere to this girl's idea of perfect love, then it’s real anyway!’ Oh and I know you are just like me the way I people watch and analyse relationships, making up stories about who I see. If you would have ever seen me before, I guarantee I would have nailed it: “Bored couple, together since they were kids, going through the motions.” The thing I love is that I know if you see me now or in the future, you can nail it by saying: “A man who worships that girl – the girl of his dreams. Can’t take his eyes or hands off her. It’s going to be an emotional rollercoaster with them, but the love is so strong... They will last forever. (Oh and he is definitely taking her home to fuck her soon!)”
Anyway, on to the diary I guess...
We woke up in that bed for the last time. Totally naked, how appropriate. This is no exaggeration, I had just spent all night with a girl you can only fantasise about, and it was the most amazing sex of my life. Total comfort, no inhibitions, so intimate and so freaky at the same time, purely beautiful yet filthy... A typical Chelsea and Ross love session. Well guess what (favourite phrase!) – it was going to happen all over again. Sex in the morning...just let it marinade! It was such a perfect feeling waking up after we both had such a good night together, we were laughing and playing together, and you knew I could only ever be proud if I was walking around with you. Anyway, once you and I had fallen in love a million times over again, it was time to move out of the bedroom to wake the creatures in the other room. Having heard about a Watty rape, it was time to take you girls out to eat. We went to the Sports Bar and sat outside on such a lovely day. I remember looking across at you, and the way the sun was catching that face, and that hair, you were just this vision of gold, a goddess in London, no doubt about it. You made me laugh ordering a pint! I had to take a picture, and of course that later became my phone background – one of my most special memories of the trip. That is the Chelsea I know and love, that cute, shy smile – no idea that you are literally the SHIT! So beautiful. I am looking at it right now, and it physically hurts my heart. I don’t know why. Anyway, I think you had Scampi, Misty had a roast dinner, Gurse had steak, and I had some mini burgers (child!). I remember the young lad asking where he could buy flowers... He reminded me of me just a couple of days before, begging the florist to open early for me. Luckily he did! So the guys went to watch some footy inside, and left you and Misty to your emotions etc. I just prayed you were having a good holiday, and that I was everything you hoped I was. I texted your UK phone again, thanking you for the best night of my life. And that you were stunning! Oh, so the next thing was that you girls wanted to go and see London – on the bus. I remember walking there with you, hand in hand had become the norm for us now, but still felt so magical. I slipped £30 in your pocket and gave you my card in case you needed it... And you told me you loved me – it was worth it!!! I left you girls to it, but not before I took one last glance over the street and I just saw you – you stand out from every crowd. I had to call you to tell you how amazing you looked, it was that ass in those jeans! I didn’t want you to go... I just wanted to take you home right then, and peel them off before going downtown for the entire evening! More texts on the bus as I went to fix up the flat, and my Chelsea got all sleepy – it had been a crazy few days! Anyway, it was time for a slumber party!
Anyway, my love... I hope you enjoy my crazy memoirs. If you don't take anything else from them, just remember how much I love you. Hopefully these go someway to proving that. Not that I need to prove it. I just want to.
Ok princess, have a great day. See you soon.
Your English boy. x
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